Sex Cymbals


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Today’s offering is called “Sex Cymbals,” a topic and title that is predicated upon the homonymic relationship between “symbols,” the things that are used to physically-yet-quietly represent something, and “cymbals,” the very loud instruments generally used to garner attention. For instance, Marilyn Monroe would have been a regular “sex symbol” back in the 40’s and 50’s because her sexuality was understated and silently implied, while our day and age is saturated with overtly sexual beings like Pam Anderson and Madonna. Their sexuality is as subtle as a shotgun, making them “sex cymbals.” It’s brilliant wordplay, really, but you guys already knew that though.

 Sex is obviously one of the more pervasive subjects in our society, something that guys reportedly think about every 7 seconds, on average. The contrarian in me thinks that this can’t be true, but then the contrarian in him watches a porno, and we’re back at square one. Well-played, libido. Anyways, my larger point here is that sex is, for the most part, inescapable for people of our age, especially when you’re in and around a college setting. It permeates our society in ways that our forefathers could have never fathomed. The obvious exceptions to that rule are the Amish, but my guess is they just do their work in the dark more than we do; I’m hip to their jive.

 A close female friend of mine says that she believes that girls think about sex at least as much as guys do. I think most of us have always suspected this, but women also tend to keep such thoughts hidden better than guys do, lest they be labeled a “slut,” a rather unfortunate and often unfair label. 

But male or female, it’s easy for one to find themselves subject to criticism and to questioning , especially if said person frequents a group of more conservative friends. Having been at the intersection of “willing resident of an increasingly sexual world” meets “fringe member of conservative friend circle” before, I can testify to the difficulties of reconciling the conflicting ideologies. 

 I’m certainly not the most sexually experienced person, but I’m also not apologetic about my thoughts and my liberal attitude towards it. As adults, I feel that sex is a perfectly acceptable thing to participate in and talk about within the parameters of moderation and good judgment. Because of this, I’m apt to say things that suggest a free-swinging lifestyle. Anyone who really knows me knows that I’m not really a sex fiend, but I do have a sexually-suggestive sense of humor. I realize that everyone isn’t quite as comfortable discussing such things, and that’s fine, so if my mentioning in passing that I wouldn’t mind sexing someone up rubs someone the wrong way, then color me bad(d). 

However, my point of view about sex shouldn’t be taken by my friends as indicative of a sleeping sex-driven deviant. As a point of reference, another female friend of mine has made it no secret that she has just as open a philosophy on sex as I do – probably even more so than I do, actually. In fact, she would openly admit that her attitude towards sex is closer to that of guys than of girls – “I think Friends with Benefits is a GLORIOUS thing,” she says – so I take solace in the fact that I’m not alone on this issue. She has no qualms whatsoever with telling someone – with or without provocation – that, take it or leave it, all she’s looking for is just a hookup. While I can’t say I’m quite that bold upon first speaking to someone, I can certainly identify with her candor and open communication.

That being said, just because I’m not as conservative about the subject doesn’t mean I’m the villain. Someone in such a position is often made to feel like some sort of sexmonger because they do admittedly have a perfectly normal-sized adult libido. 

 But I get it – one of the tenets of the religion I share with those friends is that sex should be reserved for marriage. Some of their concerns are based on that, which is valid. It’s something that I was taught growing up, and those who make it that far by their own choice certainly should be proud of that fact. As it was, I would have had no problem waiting for marriage, but on that fateful night that I “crossed over,” I sense that the girl would have freaked out had my grand finale been a proposal. Needless to say, we probably would have broken up soon thereafter. On the one hand, the surprise resulted in a hell of an “Oh” face. On the other hand, her startling lack of romantic sensibility for the moment is why we can’t have nice things, folks.

I say all of that to say this, though: I feel I’ve become a living, breathing embodiment of a sex cymbal because of my openness to discussing my feelings about it. The irony is that I was a late bloomer when it came to sex – it was so far beyond my scope when I was in high school that my life then might as well have been someone else’s life. I’ve certainly experienced a noticeable upswing of luck in that regard, but anything seems like a lot compared to zero. That’s not to say that I’m out here participating in or advocating serial fornication, but it’s just not realistic to expect young adults to completely abstain from sex. As long as we’re being responsible and somewhat discriminatory with our partners in terms of frequency and variety, then R. Kelly and I don’t see nothin’ wrong with a little bump-n-grind. When I’m before God at the pearly gates, I like to think that He’ll forgive me an indulgence or two. After all, what better way to show appreciation for the beauty of the female form than to… 

 Well, that seems like a good place to wrap it up, fellas. Your tool, that is. If y’all think that the precious time wasted putting on a condom is a pain, it’ll seem like child’s play compared to trying to keep your woman turned on while you change a diaper, so keep that in mind. 

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