A Woman’s Guide for (Straight) Dudes on OkCupid


Photo via OkCupid

A woman’s guide for (straight) dudes on OkCupid, and maybe some insight for girls who are just now getting into the online dating scene.

After being on OkCupid on and off for the last four or so years, I’ve seen enough horror to pass on a bit of inside knowledge.

First of all, STOP copy and pasting messages. Wait, what? I figured out your secret? But how?! I found out this horror through my sister, actually. We had accounts at the same time and shared messages with each other. Some of these messages seemed legit, honest and thoughtful. I’m talking about the ones saying how I have pretty eyes and a nice smile. “That’s so sweet” I thought, until my sister would share the exact same message back to me from the same dude. Yeah, NOT COOL. I’m on to you.

I know my face looks like a beautiful sunrise, how about you share something that you thought was humorous or interesting from my profile? That shows that you’re not just looking for bumping and grinding, but maybe actually care (even if you are looking for bumping and grinding, this is more tactful).

Secondly: your photos. Things that I look for: you and your pet cuddling on the couch, you being in some outdoor area, you SMILING, you hanging out with friends. Things I don’t enjoy seeing: you cuddling on the couch with your ex, you holding any kind of weapon, you looking very menacing in every.single.picture.

Look, girls are already hesitant around guys, and looking like you’re about to breathe heavily outside our window with a machete doesn’t seem that enticing.

Thirdly: Be yourself in your profile. Toss in a joke or two, also add a little depth. I’m not saying write a three hundred word essay about yourself. However, a nice intro about who you are, what you’re about, and what you’re doing is perfect.

“Hi I’m John, I currently work in San Francisco at (wherever you work). I really love to hang out (at such and such a place) and I really enjoy—you get the point. Pretty simple, but I find it a lot easier to message someone when I know a little about them.

And finally: back to messages. Girls get A LOT of messages on OkCupid, I mean, A LOT, dozens a day.  I don’t know if you realize this. Out of all of those messages we get, we maybe reply to half. Your single message of “Hey” or “What’s up” is not going to make the cut, or maybe it will if you have an adorable picture of you smiling and cuddling with your pet as your profile picture.

Alright, let’s review for your hopeful future date with that attractive lady:

1: Your Profile picture must look friendly, and fun!

2: Make your profile more personal.

3: Be tactful. Do not comment about that beautiful woman’s rack, even though it is pretty awesome. Do not write a single message and copy and paste it to every girl you deem “bangable”.

4: That means, saying something beyond “Hey” and “What’s up”. Say something about her profile! “Hey Jen, I love Parks and Recreation, too! My favorite episode is the one where Ron and Tammy get back to together and he gets cornrows. It’s also when we find out about Ben’s obsession with Calzones! What’s your favorite Parks and Rec episode?”

Best of luck to you gents!

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